Friday, December 18, 2009 2:00 PM

Cambodia daily reflections

ALL THE REFELCTIONS BELOW ARE CARRIED OUT ON THE DAY ITSLEF AND ITS ALL COPIED FROM MY REFLECTION BOOKLET WORD FOR WORD.

DAY ONE
Being on this Cambodia trip, I hope to give by rendering my help to the orphans as much as possible. It is unfair that a person the same age as me is living in a COMPLETELY different world from me. But I can make it fair by helping these kids. Just a smile on their face, a hope for their lives, a realisation that people do care. I have been taking things for granted in Singapore until these few weeks when I start to realise just how lucky am I. I see the orphans with no shoes, no food, no clothes but yet, they are still contented. We have so much more than them, but why are our feelings so different? I hope to make myself really useful on this trip. I wanna leave something with them. I wanna them to remember how XSP made them feel. I hope that future generations of XSP would continue to visit this orphanage to check up on them, just to let them know that we still care and never abandon them. Just to let them know that they are never alone.

DAY TWO
I feel that the places I saw today were really disturbing. When I went to each temple, there are bound to be small little kids begging us to buy something. There are things I do not want to buy but I felt so troubled and worried for them when I rejected them. I don't want to reject them but then, I have no need of those stuff and I don't want to waste money. It hurts my heart to reject people who are BEGGING you. Some children need this money to go to school. I'm troubled that I did not get to do even 1 small thing for some of them. How I wish I could hug them and tell them that I'm really sorry. I hope they don't lie down on their beds at night, think about me and identify me as "the person who refused to help me today". I'll pray that they forgive me. And also, I hate the fact that there are actually people who force them to beg. I hate them. I promise that one day, when I grow up, I will eliminate all of these child abusers. They'll get their retribution, trust me.

DAY THREE
I think many things unexpected happened today. Unlike some of the XSP members, I was not that amazed and shocked by the orphans' joy in seeing us, the conditions of the rooms and the enthusiasm that they had. Whenever we are walking on the roads and passed by someone, I would say "Hi." I don't know why, but why don't we do that in Singapore? Here, in Cambodia, everyone is everyone's friend. The whole little lane lies a family. I love to be in this kind of family. Sometimes, I really dislike the conditions of the rooms. It's hot, stuffy, dusty, dirty and there is like one big bee there that is threatening to bit us at any moment. But when I see the orphans barefooted, running in the sand, going down into the muddy pool to take a ball that WE had dropped, I just feel that "If they can do it, why can't I?" As in, why can't we do it too? Are we any different? I started to run on the sand with only my socks, endured the heat, you know. I did things with them. And I think it's beacuse of them that I feel so high today. I shared the same thing that they are feeling, I laughed the same way they did. It's like they gave me energy. I played the same games with them and when we were doing the chicken dance, how do I say it? I felt that our heart beat as ONE. How wonderful it is to understand a person from a totally different world. I can't wait for tomorrow, just to see their faces one more time. Even though I won't be in the team that is interacting with them tomorrow, it's fine. It's only one day but I already love them so so much.

DAY FOUR
When I shared my reflection yesterday, I did mention that the power that they gave me. Even though I did not get to interact with the kids at all today, I helped them by painting the walls and doing the cement. Man, do I hate the dirt, the GAZILLIONS of grapsshoppers, ants, worms, ... Euw. But then, I did not complain about my situation a single bit. Somehow, I keep telling myself that if they can do it, why can't I? If they can endure the dirt, why can't I? I felt that I accomplished a lot today. Though I'm not the one playing or interacting with them, I felt proud of myself that I had played a part in making a new space, a new room, for them to draw their dreams in. I feel that the team I'm working with rocks. We sang while cementing, digging, shovelling and we cheered each other on. And I feel that as time goes by, I'm starting to get closer to people I never knew so well last time. And if I were to do everything all over again, I would stop all the personal conversations that we shared cos the kids are waiting for us. I would talk to every kid if I have the time and know them all personally. I would high five each of them, give them a hug, and tell them "I love you". I would make everything perfect for them. However, I would not want to change the atmosphere, the ambience, the LOVE. The quote that Mr Tay shared with us today, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." This quote sets me thinking. What is it that we had made them feel? I do not know. I don't think anyone in XSP knows either. But to me, I will always remember how they made me feel. My first love.

DAY FIVE
Oh my, when I read my day one reflections, my heart broke. Here's what I wrote: "rendering my help to the orphans as much as possible", "Just a smile on tehir faces, a hope for their lives, a realisation that people do care", "I wanna leave something in them and I wanna them to remember how XSP made them feel". Last but not least, I wrote " future generations of XSP to go back there, just to let them know that we still care and never abandon them. Just to let them know that they are never alone". During these days' reflections, many people in my group doubted their genuine reactions to our activities. Did they really enjoy our games? Did their smiles quite reach their eyes? But today, when I see their tears, I knew it was right from their heart. It was tears of sadness, joy, misses and gratitude, all rolled into one drop. When I hugged each and everyone of them and tell them the same sentence, "Knyom sroline neak" (I love you) over and over again, I felt their love for us too. When they cried till their eyes were red, I knew they were sincere. I knew they shared the same feelings I did for them as well. And that made me even sadder, the realisation that all this while, we are the ones who had doubted them. How sad it is for me to realise that. I am ashamed. But then, I feel that I had achieved what I had planned to do in day one. I did all those things and I'm happy to say that maybe we are THE team, and not just ANOTHER team. Today, when I was hugging a boy, he cried and asked me when am I coming back. My heart shattered cos I didn't know. But right then and there, I know I have to be back, I have to be there to witness their growing up years, to play all those games together again and to share those laughter, jumps, craziness one more time. When I was on the bus, I kept praying that suddenly, Miss Lie and Mr Tay would change their minds and decide to stay there for one more day. But that didn't happen. I knew it's going to be up to us now to take the initiative to come back. We can accompany future generations of XSP to Savong to help out. I am more than willing to do so and I'm the whole XSP are too. I'm so glad that all of this happened, that all of us made the same choice of joining XSP, that our parents made the same choice of letting us go to Cambodia and that all of us made the same choice of giving out our hearts to them and never expected anything in return. So, I promised myself that this is not the end of a wonderful chapter in my life, but just a temporary stop till next year where we can see 2 generations of XSP students heading on the same road together, having the same dream and sharing the same heart. How great is that? GO XSP! I always knew we could do it. :)

DAY SIX
When I stepped into the Genocide museum, a wave of sadness swept over me. The whole building exudes a negative feeling and it saddens me a lot. When I was watching the movie, I shedded tears when the old woman said that till now, even after she is old enough to understand things, she still had not understand why Pol Pot and his clique would want to seperate families apart. The love between Seda and Sethi is also tragic and heartbreaking. Whenever I walked one step into the building, I kept thinking whether if Pol Pot or some other perverted guy stepped the same step as me. It shocked me to see that there are things that were so real, the 2 millions of people killed. When we are looking at the photos, it saddened me to see so many lives lost all beacuse of a person's selfishness. It was even worse when I noticed that some people were still young and good looking. I felt angry and disgusted by the torture methods Pol Pot carried out. Cos it's like, seriously, who would be so CRUEL to pluck out fingernails, rape and hammer fingers just for them to admit things that they never did? Who would have such a lousy character to lie to more than 7 million and killed 1/3 of them? I hate Pol Pot.

Lastly, here's a video that made my eyes water whenever I see it on Channel V in China just a few days ago.

Friday, December 4, 2009 10:05 PM

China feels like such a bore compared to Cambodia. O:

Gah, I miss Cambodia so so so so much. ):
And I have to leave for china tomorrow night! ):
How I wish I can just skip on to another plane once I reach the terminal.
I'll fly all the way to Siem Reap to meet Savong in a tuktuk! :D
Heheh, that's gonna be my escape route! :)

I haven't started packing yet and I totally should start now because the weather's gonna be super cold there. ):
But i have no motivation to do it. ):
Dreading the trip tomorrowwwww. ):

Kay, I gonna stop now, should upload pics on facebook or else, ):

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 7:20 PM

#1. i'm dying for some more shopping and much more money! D:
I wanna get more dresses, high waist skirts, ...

#2. taryen scored the same score as me for his psle and now, he got his psp as a reward. O:

#3. im jealoused and now, my uncle lent me his psp till i come back from china. :D

#4. i needa go shopping in winter time to prepare myself in china, dont wanna freeze there! D: wanna get hot pink ear muffs. :)

#5. i wanna go miss tan's christmas party on 24th but I'll be in taiwan. ):

#6. i wanna go out somewhere to watch movies, light shopping before i leave for china on sunday.

#7. i need to have the motivation to do homework.

#8. im gonna have dinner now.

1:51 PM

Cambodia's the best.

Im back from Cambodia. And I must say that it's one of the best trips I ever had in my whole life. :)
It's deeply meangingful, enriching, fulfilling and inspirational.
And the times I get to spend with all my friends will never be replaced, each and everyone of them left something deep in my heart. :D

So, on day one, went to the airport and me, claudia, sherry, serene, lydia, vicki and ivy took the sky train to terminal 1.
Took some pictures only and have to rush back.
Met jeremy there cos he has to fetch his mom back but still have to thank him for sending us off. Thanks, J. :)
And Vicki was sitting beside me on the plane. I was lucky enough to get the window seat! :D
And there is this super cute girl in front of me. :)
She's called Louise and she's born in America but staying in Singapore. She study in some chinese international school. O:
Played with her the whole ride with Vicki and she's so cute laaa! C:
Love her many many especially when she hugged and kissed me! :D
Checked in the Parklane hotel and the hotel have more than a gazillion screams can!
Everyone was screaming cos the room was dark until O:
But it's funnnnnn! :D

On day two, went for sightseeing at Angkor.
Angkor wat, Ta Phrom (where the Tomb Raiders are being filmed) and the Bayon temple.
I like the Bayon one the most lor! Cos the architecture is amazing! O:
It still amazes me that the people before can managed to carve the all types of different rocks into such an amazing building! :D
Went to the Angkor night market. While the others were shopping, me, Vicki and Arakah (our guide! She's amazing!) sat on the streets and looked at people walking past cos Vicki had gastric and she's really suffering. ):
So, we went for some fish spa when she felt 60% better and it was cool lor.
We kept trying to control our laughters and screams(Vicki's!) but it was so fun and my feet looks whiter! :D
And we had the reflection time, which I cried like shit.):
Vicki and Lydia got sick, but they recovered. :)

Day three, went to the orphanage. We had to seperate ourselves into 2 groups and I'm one of the first group to interact with the kids. :)
I think I really had a lot of fun. I screamed at the top of my lungs and played and put in my best.
I'm not sure if the kids or others could see it but I know that I did my best. :)
Went to the Savong school where Gabriel, Christina and Adam representated us to play a volleyball match with the students.
Oh my, the Cambodians are the superb in volleyball! They are amazing lor. :D

On day four, went to do the construction work where we did the cement and painting of the walls. It was super dirty but fun! :D I had to wash myself like some shit. O:
On day five, helped to colour the fillings on the tiles and my fingers look bruised but it's actually just the colour haha.
Danced thailand dance, limbo dance, pole dance with Ivy and Lydia when no one is looking LOL.
Got Ivy to throw socks to the cow LOL. :D But she didn't wanna touch it. ):
Teached the kids how to brush teeth. :)
Cried a lot cos it was the last day we are spending with them. Everyone shed their tears and the orphans did too. I missed them so much. so much so much so much. ):
headed to Lucky Mall for my strawberry chocolates (they're the best!) and went for buffet dinner. :) watched their aspara dance performance for a few minutes and started to play truth or dare.:) It was fun at first but the we got scolded on the bus.O: but still, ...

On day 6, spend 6 hours on the bus to Phnom Penh and slept and played cards and talked. Went to the Genocide museum and man, I feel so heartbroken.
The whole ambience was just so sad. ): Our tour guide there was also one of the torture victims and I feel that she's really strong and brave to share with us about her own personal experiences. :)
And on day 7, went to the killing fields and russia market. Spent all my money in the market! :D Worth it lor, especially my LV pouch. :)
I'm so excited to use it with Sofia! :D And after our last reflection session in Mamak's kitchen, headed to the royal palace to take pictures. :)
Have to sit on the plane with Ivy and slept all the way after our DELICIOUS dinner. :)

knoym sro-lan kampuchea.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 9:42 AM

I'm not gonna be like you when I grow up.

I hate you I hate you I hate you.
I know it's wrong to do so but all your actions disgust me.
I promise myself I am not going to be a mother like you.

SIGHSIGHSIGH. Why am I being such a unfilial daughter? ):

On Saturday, went for the Chinese Dance trip briefing.
I hate to admit this, but I'm not even the least bit excited for it. ):
It's not because I don't wanna dance with all those pros (actually, I'm looking forward to it!). It's also not because I'm afraid of the cold.
It's just that I'm afraid I will be alone. ):
Without Peixuan, Michelle or even Serene. What am I going to do?! O:
Sighsigh, gotta learn to be independent! D:
Ballet was great. I'm so glad Miss Boo praised me and Joanna's Vasse Pantone! :D
Actually, I think Joanna did so much better and Miss Boo meant it as a general comment. ):
But still, ... (Btw, I was panting when I was dancing! The whole dance is like 2.4km!)

I think I wasted my Sunday away! O:
I was trying to be motivated enough to pack my stuff for Cambodia but then ...
I need to wash many many many stuffs first!
I washed my red bag, my black bag, my sandals, my slippers, my flats, ...
Too many things to wash! O: and after I finished, I slept.

Monday was the last day XSP is meeting up before we leave for Cambodia.
Nothing much done, just sealing up boxes and all that. O:
Boringboringboring. Then, headed to Lavender alone (Christina and Ivy!!! D:<) to do my IC.
I'm super afraid I can't go overseas without an IC. O:
But then, the person said I need my parents IC so I went home empty handed. D:
And so, went with my dad to ICA today. Finished in less than an hour! :D
3rd storey is efficient man! :D
Went to Hougang Mall for dinner and when I went home, I really really tried to gather up all my self determination to pack but failed miserably.
Slept like a PIG.

I'm gonna wake up early and pack tomorrow! :D
My dad wonders how come I can still have the hope to bear such a thought. O:
Cambodia tomorrow! Miss me, will be back on the 1st.

Friday, November 20, 2009 10:56 PM

Coraline.

SUPER SCARY BUT GOOD MOVIE. Really worth it.
Summary: Buttons for eyes.
I enjoyed watching this with the whole of Team Asterisk and Clement! :D

10:48 PM

Excited for Cambodia trippp! :D

Why is strawberry yoghurt so addictive? O:

Have been spending loads of time in school this week cos XSP curriculum team members have to chiong like shit.
The babies that we had produced are amazing! :D
I think everyone really played a part except me, cos I can only do saikang like erasing the pencil marks and outlining. :O
That's what people with a C in art can do only. ):

Anyway, last weekend was quite a waste of time.
I like the trip to Zhenyong house though.
Had lunch there with Serene, Sherry, Birthday Boy, Albert, Larry and Shop and save (:P).
Played cards and all of Birthday Boy's relatives came. He got one cousin damn pretty! O:
Didn't enjoy the 6-10 outing cos I really dont remember them anymore.
I'm not trying to ignore them or what lor, it's I really have nothing to say.
I ended up trying to get Sherry to leave (which is damn bad) and I'm sorry for it.
Didn't even went for dinner with them and I think we only spend less than an hour with them. O:

Had 204 chalet on Monday and Tuesday.
FINALLY, daddy allow me to sleep over (cos he booked the chalet) but then clash with ballet.
And I'm not willing to walk back to Pasir Ris at 10+ can. O:
I like ballet on Monday! :D Cos we did pointe and its super pain, which is super good! :D I like I like.
Slept at home on Tuesday. Dunno like what pig like that. O:

From wednesday till now, i keep doing xsp. :)
And after XSP trips, will go somewhere one lor. waste money! $.$
Pizza Hut robbed me of $7 and Hougang Mall trip with Lydia today almost made me buy a dress. O:
I'm getting more and more excited for the Cambodia trip can! :D
Cos after we finalised all the activities, I think that I really want to teach! :D
And i'm so excited to see Savong! wanna give him a big big hug when I see him.
he's a super kind man. :D

Tomorrow's another busy day with the chinese dance trip briefing, ballet lesson and maybe a trip to Lydia's house? O:
There will only be 3 sec threes tomorrow lor. I sad. ):